Why does it seem that rather than during my “Sit” when I am doing yard work that the epiphanies come about? In Texas we don’t much count on the Groundhog to forecast Spring, we watch the Pecan trees, so my opportunity to prune mine came this week and while cutting out the dead stuff a memory popped up. Also this week a video post was in my inbox of my email about the things that keep me from achieving my goals, about the psychological expectations placed on each of us as children and how those things hold us back. I watched the video, found it interesting, didn’t think much more about it other than to see where it fit into our progressions. Did my read, did my Sit, shuffled and flashed my cards, kinda numb. Remembered the webinar about the Heroes Journey, being in the Abyss, Hello that’s me, and then.
I remembered an incident, or more precisely, a series of events from when I was 13, 14, 15. A friend of my dad that we all knew was over, he and his wife, and he showed us a ring he had just bought. I thought I was giving a compliment by saying something about how I would like to have one, at which he responded by (loudly) telling me that I was covetous, why didn’t I take his car keys, why didn’t I take his wife. I stood there gaping, protesting my innocence, that I only meant it as a compliment but it fell on deaf ears. He shot back all kinds of things that I don’t remember other than the feeling of complete embarrassment. For a long time I wondered what had I said and how had I said it to elicit such a vociferous response.
A few months later whilst playing tennis with my brother and his friend and his dad, I again made a comment, an innocent remark of admiration of something that the dad had, and Boom, he let me have it. How I was Covetous of this that and the other. He could not have knocked me down as hard had he punched in the gut.
Was I covetous? How had what I said be construed as “Covetous”? I didn’t want to be thought of as coveting anything of anybody’s! I looked up in the Bible, “Though shalt not Covet…”. I had never coveted. Why were these people saying that I was?
I resolved that never again would the accusation be made of me. In the years since the fear of being accused of wanting more than what someone else deemed as my fair share has stopped me from doing not only my best, but to stand out from the crowd.
I am having this epiphany right in the middle of trimming tree branches? What the heck is that? I’m glad to have had it, but how come I don’t get these during my sit, reading, exercising? This has lead me to go further on the Service cards and put more outdoor chores on the list.